Why I’m Sharing My Experience with Therapy
It’s 2019 and I find that people are still ashamed to admit they need help. We’ve come a long way to remove mental health stigma (with ways to go obviously), our treatment options are significantly more evolved (good riddance, bloodletting), and there is an overall push for more self-care, more mindfulness and more introspection (even as we contemplate romantic relationships with robots — whatever floats your boat/bot).
We’re encouraging men to be more vulnerable, women to be more outspoken, children to be less perfect. All good things pointing to a society in which mental health should be as much of a priority as checking up on your heart, brain or BMI.
Yet, when I say I’ve been in therapy for years, people look at me as if I’m broken — and they’re surprised. After all, I have the Facebook-deemed perfect life, right? A kind husband, two gorgeous kids, great friends, a size-4 dress size and the financial means to do the things I want — travel, and pursue an entrepreneurial path that lets me follow my passion. What else is there in life?
The truth is sadness, depression, anxiety, substance abuse don’t discriminate in favor of those who have beautiful pictures on Instagram (they might even be more prone — but that’s another post). This is where determining “privilege” can be as damaging as it is enlightening. As I’ve built this externally validated life, internally, I’ve struggled, as many of us have, through the various cycles of life — being a parent (total shitshow), maintaining a long-term marriage (why the f*ck is this so hard?), aging parents (talk about a role reversal), career transitions (entrepreneurship ain’t all that), Trump (fuck!)and much more. Psychologists follow the criteria laid out in a book called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (“DSM” for sexy short) which help them determine when someone’s pathology is “clinical”. But you don’t have to get to that level to seek help. In fact, you shouldn’t. Prevention is better than cure.
The truth is sadness, depression, anxiety, substance abuse don’t discriminate in favor of those who have beautiful pictures on Instagram
I’ve been fortunate enough not to have any major trauma in my life (remember that “trauma” is highly subjective — I consider wearing socks with sandals traumatic). But the biggest gift I gave myself was not disregarding or belittling moments (weeks?) of discomfort. I worked with therapists through various phases, sometimes to pull me out of dark holes, and at other times, simply to provide a safe, objective place to work through my thoughts. It’s not the weak that seek help — it’s the strong.
But the biggest gift I gave myself was not disregarding or belittling moments (weeks?) of discomfort.
So, here are my few pieces of advice regarding psychotherapy:
- All therapists are not created equal but it takes time to build a relationship. I would give it 4 sessions before you call it quits. It’s not quite speed dating.
- Spend the time to think about what you want to achieve and pick a therapist accordingly — if you’re trying to quit smoking your needs are different from someone who is trying to overcome postpartum depression.
- Help comes in different forms and only you can decide what’s right for you. Today, we have access to everything from app-based therapy to shamans and everything in between. Listen to your gut about what feels right and go from there. Go back to bullet point 1 and keep looking for your match.
- Do the work. This is your investment in yourself. If you show up to therapy without being willing to really excavate and grow, you may as well be right back here, watching other people’s evolution and wondering why you can’t seem to change.
Watch the video:
Learn more:
Kaamna Bhojwani-Dhawan is the host of KaamnaLive, a #BSFREE talk show for people in their 30’s, 40’s and above. Self-proclaimed shit-stirrer, Kaamna can be found on YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and at www.kaamnalive.com.
