The Science of Good Sex
I’ll tell you a secret: when it comes to what goes into consistently pleasurable sex, most of us have no friggin’ clue.
Mainstream media and societal convention have us thinking it’s about performance metrics: how big, how long, how much, how many.
Our parents, teachers and priests told us it’s about purpose: reproduction and faithfully serving one’s spouse.
Our own guilt and shame around our sexuality keeps us from truly exploring what we like and/or communicating it.
Like I said, clueless.
Lucky for us, there is science. A 2014 study (Pascoal, Narcisco, and Pereira) revealed that sexual satisfaction has two main components: the individual’s positive feelings such as pleasure, arousal and openness, and the emotions that surface in relation to the other person — are feelings mutual? Is there romance? Creativity? Positivity? Safety?
This may sound like commonsense but hold on to your hats, because I’m about to blow your mind.
Couples interviewed revealed that orgasms were really not that important in the context of sexual satisfaction.
**Mindblown**
Rather, intimacy and playfulness were big sub-factors. Intimacy of course, includes closeness and connection while playfulness indicates a level of comfort and vulnerability.
Take a minute and think back to your favorite sexual moments. Does that hold true for you?
We tend to glamorize the early sexual experiences of a relationship. And it’s true that the spark can dwindle. But a 2016 study (Frederick et al., 2017) revealed that for couples that kept their mojo going past the honeymoon phase, these were some of the key factors:
- Having more frequent sex (practice makes perfect)
- Receiving more oral sex (pucker up)
- Having more consistent orgasms (there they are!)
- Mood setting (hello foreplay!)
- Incorporating a variety of sexual acts (’tis the spice of life)
- Sexual communication — including praise, feedback and teasing
In short, you have to use your mouth.
As I always point out, sex doesn’t happen between the sheets. It happens in the mental, emotional and spiritual arenas.
Now you know the theory, go enjoy the practice.
References:
Pascoal, P.M., Narciso, I., & Pereira, N.M. (2014). What is Sexual Satisfaction? Thematic Analysis of Lay People’s Definitions, The Journal of Sex Research, 51:1, 22–30, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2013.815149
Frederick, D.A., Lever, J., Gillespie, B.J. & Garcia, J.R. (2017) What Keeps Passion Alive? Sexual Satisfaction Is Associated With Sexual Communication, Mood Setting, Sexual Variety, Oral Sex, Orgasm, and Sex Frequency in a National U.S. Study, The Journal of Sex Research, 54:2, 186–201, DOI: 10.1080/00224499.2015.1137854
